Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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