I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
