they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
