how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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