But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My liver just broke up with me...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's the barista slut.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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