Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
id be glad to
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
