Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
