I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
