I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You've changed since you got that strap on
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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