the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
