Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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