carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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