i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
