What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
