Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize