so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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