Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
