Yo dont text me then not text me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize