well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize