i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he fucked my hip out of place.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
