I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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