she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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