Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
