Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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