I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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