So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I FOUND THE LEGS
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
