Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
