I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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