is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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