it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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