It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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