I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
