Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
