I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
