i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
