Plan B is the new Plan A
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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