the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
