Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dear god my vagina.
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