thus making me awesome and them whores
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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