im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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