how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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