dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
