Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize