Is it because I queefed?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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