no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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