I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
