i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
