She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
