On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You are the jesus of drinking
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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