all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
