You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
