I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
