In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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