Acid is not a monday night drug
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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