If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
