now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
