You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
