My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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