oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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