And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
