You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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