just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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