So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
