I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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