So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
