So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
