cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
