my shit smells like andre
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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