sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
